Proverbs 3:3-4 (GNB) “”Never let go of loyalty and faithfulness. Tie them around your neck; write them on your heart. If you do this, both God and people will be pleased with you.”
Is It Worth It?
As I worked hard to keep my parents happy and as healthy as possible, I often asked myself if it was worth the effort. There were the endless doctor and emergency room visits, tests and hospital procedures, three days a week of kidney dialysis, physical therapy sessions, diaper changes, the ordering and organizing of medication, cooking, cleaning and so much more. Often I felt trapped and overwhelmed by all this work and responsibility.
My mother had severe dementia and could not carry on a conversation any more. She used to make several sweaters every year, but now she thought a ball of yarn was something to eat. She and George used to go to church every Sunday and visit with friends often, but now those days were over. Yet, Mom did seem peaceful and happy as she watched television, ate her meals, and listened to us talk. When we talked to her directly, she made good eye contact and would often say a word or two. She also enjoyed rides in the car, watching the world go by. When we are at the doctor’s office or a restaurant, she intently listened and watched everyone around her. Because Mom still enjoyed the little things of life, I came to the conclusion all the work I did trying to keep her alive and well was worth it.
George’s still had his own mind. He didn’t seem quite as content as my mother. As time went on, he had more bad days that were torture for him just getting out of bed and into a chair. On these days, his legs barely held him up, and just moving a few steps made him breathless. Also, he was blind, and his kidneys had failed; he had to have dialysis three times a week in order to stay alive. This meant he had to be stuck with a huge needle and be hooked up to a machine that cleaned his blood for three and a half hours. In the last year of his life, he slept more than he was awake. At one time, he loved sitting on the deck in the summer, but even this was eventually taken from him; he couldn’t stand the heat of the sun or the coolness of the shade. He often told me that he wasn’t hungry and his sense of taste was gone. Sometimes I thought my good care was just prolonging this agony.
Then I would remind myself that even though George’s world had become very small, he still enjoyed a few things. He loved breakfast, especially my oatmeal special that I make with nuts and non-fat eggs. He listened to music on the radio, and he loved it when I read to him from a book many evenings. I looked forward to this time with him as well. We both laughed when our favorite private eye was being his usual quirky self. Since he did have a few things he enjoyed, I decided my work caring for him was well worth it.
Yes, my parents had some quality of life left, but most importantly they were children of God. Their lives were sacred. In God’s eyes, their lives had meaning and purpose. He placed them in my care and continued to make it possible for Bill, our assistant, and I to do this work. I continued to learn how to honor and love my parents while I oversaw their needs. They continued to feel secure, peaceful, and loved by living in our house. Only God knew exactly the right time for them to leave this earth. I didn’t have to worry that somehow I had gotten in the way of this process. God was in control, not me. His wisdom and power was and continues to be above my human understanding.
When this commitment to my parents seemed much too difficult, I would pray for the strength and enthusiasm to go on. I trusted God to give me exactly what I needed everyday. I always felt that His protection and guidance were always with us.
YOUR THOUGHTS: In what ways does your good care of your loved one increase his or her quality of life? Remember, don’t underestimate the power of a smile or hug.
TIP FOR CAREGIVER: During the cold winter months, I put on an electric heater in the bathroom before I brought my mother in there. When I changed my mother’s diaper or dressed her, she was much calmer because she was not chilled.
For safety’s sake, I removed the heater before the bathroom was actually in use. Water and electricity don’t mix, and backing into it could have easily burned someone.
Another Hospital Visit
The spur on my right foot grumbles,
we’ve been here fourteen times this week.
His food tray arrives ahead of me,
but he’s asleep.
I tap the toes of the man
who served on a World War Two destroyer.
Timeworn eyes open, but he’d rather be oblivious
to the plight of a sinking metabolism.
His mouth opens for mealy meatloaf and
bland broccoli only to please me.
After I explain his circulation needs some stimulation,
He steers his walker, setting anchor
on the chair across the room.
We speak of weather, world, and those back home,
but soon he launches himself up and forward,
on course for the white berth
where he slides under cover.
I kiss his oily head and say, good-night.
On the elevator, I concede he has outlived
his own internal organs,
but tomorrow I will once again visit the man
who still sails the ship with the rusty engine.
