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Dedicated caregivers intuitively know the value and importance of their roles. Caregivers, however, face real problems and pitfalls which can indeed be dangerous. Caregiving not only can be, but indeed, actually is a very stressful occupation...emotionally, physically...and even spiritually. My name is Dr. & Chef Jason A. Seidler, , and I welcome you to this website!
I'VE BEEN THERE, AND I
FEEL YOUR PAIN.
Caregiving is often a very lonely job, but YOU ARE NOT
ALONE! A very admired, charismatic man named T.J. Rohleder
once said "no one will care about you...until they know how much you care".
Many studies report high incidences of "burnout" in both the formal (like skilled nursing care) or informal care-providing professionals...and, of course, loving family members or friends who know that caregiving for an ill or mentally and/or Physically challenged loved one is "necessary" and the "right thing to do." Burnout is a complex phenomenon... and I've generally observed three major components:
1) Emotional/spiritual exhaustion
2) Depersonalization
3) Reduced personal accomplishments/physical exhaustion.
While I personally have performed many loving, but usually sleep-deprived
years of caregiving at a 24/7 pace while my Mum & Dad deteriorated and
died from terminal illnesses, not all of these apply to myself.
I look forward to addressing these and other similar issues with YOUR
assistance at this website. I shall endeavor to provide our viewers with helpful information & tips, inspirational stories, and even entertaining views, news, and recipes, too!
I'll now get back to addressing "caregiver stress". Emotional exhaustion is basically a depletion of emotional resources, creating a feeling that one has nothing left to give. "Depersonalization" is the development of negative and insensitive attitudes about the "care-receiver". I shall use the term "care-receiver" instead of "loved one" for those reading this in the skilled nursing & professional caregiving service industries (Although most are very loving people themselves). Reduced personal accomplishments for the caregiver create a devalued sense of self...resulting in no life beyond caregiving. If "burned out", the caregiver runs a real risk of becoming ill, engaging in an increased use of alcohol or drugs, and causing family and/or marital strife. Burnout will always affect the caregiver and care-receiver relationship. Needs, demands, and requests will frequently affect a lone caregiver with physical exhaustion and sleep-deprivation issues. Burnout can develop from the many emotional demands made on the caregiver.
Care-receivers may often be worried, anxious, and confused about what is happening. In addition, they may be embarrassed about their dependency and perhaps even deny the truth about their condition. Because of their own emotional and physical state, care-receivers may become impatient, angry, and abusive...often complaining excessively. They may also make unreasonable demands. Unfortunately, the caregiver is usually the target of this abuse. The nature of the care-receiver's problems can also contribute to the caregiver's "burnout." Some illnesses or disabilities are so severe and their prognosis so poor that, unfortunately, the caregivers develop a profound sense of helplessness and frustration, viewing caregiving activities as a meaningless "drop in the bucket". This is a special liability for those care providers who deny the reality of the care-receiver's situation and who continue to labor under what some researchers label a "rescue fantasy".
Caregivers and care-receivers may have communication problems. Both may be unable or unwilling to express their true thoughts and feelings about each other and their respective situations. Health problems are inevitably emotionally charged...especially if they involve bad news. The need to "cover up" may lead to an unintended, but sort of a real conspiracy of silence between the individuals. This communication process may, in turn, become little more than a "chronic exercise in diversion". When this happens, both the caregiver and the care-receiver are intuitively aware of this process...but they may feel powerless to change it. In that case, I suppose that the interrelationship becomes ambivalent...physical closeness coexists with a sort of psychological distancing.
"Burnout" is a behavioral manifestation of stress. One behavior associated with "burnout" is the so-called "mea culpa" reaction. Even when caregivers recognize that the stressful nature of the work originates from their situation, they will still engage in self-blame. "If I really had measured up to the task, I should've been able to handle it", many caregivers lament. Consequently they experience a sense of personal failure, a loss of self-esteem.. and sometimes even an emotional state of depression or helplessness.
Caregivers tend to explain problems by looking at the care-receiver's disposition rather than the situation. This often may also negatively affect their feelings for the ones they care for. No matter how loved or respected, the care-receiver begins to be derogated and criticized, and as the situation progresses, the caregiver may even become indifferent or callous. Believe it or not...this situation is essentially a normal one. There are many aspects in this helping relationship that will substantiate and maintain this phenomenon. "The main thing", primary and foremost among these...is the sad fact that the care-recipient is a person with problems or deficits. No matter what their assets, it is the negative side of the care-receiver's current condition that the caregiver observes and tries to address.
A second thing that I already alluded to...is the fact that the care-receiver may actually devalue and criticize the caregiver's help. In my own research, without sufficient (or at least some) positive feedback from the care-receiver, the caregiver may even, unfortunately, engage in "counter-aggressive" behavior.
Finally, the "depersonalization" of the care-receiver may also be somewhat of an unconscious attempt by the caregiver to create emotional distance. If the care-receiver is a loved one, this distance is often used as a buffer to cope with feelings of grief or depression at the prospect of an eventual loss.
How then, is one to cope with the stresses of the caregiver role??? Since much of the emotional exhaustion caregivers experience is people-related, one approach is to "get away from it all"...at least temporarily. By doing this, caregivers may regenerate their energies, enthusiasm, and sense of mission. It is my true belief that the feeling of being overloaded with responsibilities can be reduced or eased through some techniques of temporary social withdrawal. Placing the care-receiver for a time in a respite (pronounced RES'-SPIT) program to enable the caregiver to vacation or accomplish other duties can be an effective healing strategy. When others assume the caregiving role at regular intervals, it enables the caregiver to look forward to those blocks of time as his own. The real problem emerges with those caregivers who feel so compulsively duty-bound to their charge that even a short respite fills them with guilt and apprehension. However, anyone incapable of setting limits and taking breaks will have a very short life expectancy as an effective caregiver.
For some caregivers, getting together with other caregivers...even in a forum like this...may be as effective as getting away. Caregivers can be extremely supportive and sources of strength for each other. I'm hoping this website helps. By learning how other caregivers handle certain situations, how they feel towards their care-receivers and what kind of inner conflicts they may be struggling with, the members of these peer groups will gradually learn from one another and feel less isolated. Honest and detailed exchanges of experiences and thoughts hopefully will give families & participants encouragement, strength, and reassurance that they are not alone in what they do and feel...
Because of the fact that many millions of caregivers have to prepare over 1,000 meals per year for their caregiver-recipients, we shall endeavor to be the ONLY caregiving site with a culinary edge.
Please come again...for there's more to come.
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